I am a Thirty-one year old single woman who loves her life the way it is. I have so many creative pursuits. I have my own cozy little apartment that’s a constant art project in progress. I have a fulfilling career. I cultivate deep and profound friendships, of which I have so many. I am grateful. I have short lived romances which make me learn so much more about myself as intense or painful as they are at times. I want so much for myself. I want to continue to become a better yoga teacher and live a spiritual life. I want to spend time in India, move back to Europe one day. When you’re this happy, and have been emotionally unavailable for so many years, the motivation for finding a relationship is, understandably, not that high.
My intention for 2014 though, is to pursue my first adult relationship! Here’s the caveat. I want it to be only 25% -50% of my life. Not all-consuming. I want someone to respect my space and privacy and take the relationship slow. I want to meet someone who is equally fulfilled in their life and appreciates what being alone really means. I do acknowledge finally, that a relationship does not equal an end to my independence. I just need to meet someone who values their independence in similar ways.
I do need to say this though…What I’ve outlined above doesn’t mean that I’m emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic or have intimacy issues. I’m tired of pathologizing myself after feedback from men, society or interpreting the reasons why I got involved with the wild romantic encounters of late (Yes I’ve been a bit unorthodox in my choices this year! But I’ve been exploring). I never used to pathologize until I turned 30! I had so much more ownership over the lifestyle choices that I made until I turned 30. Like the film above, Female Freedom has an Expiration Date!
So my intentions for 2014 in pursuit of my first adult relationship are as follows:
Continue to be open-hearted. Continue to know that I want love. Continue to know that I don’t want to “settle down,” or find “the one.” Continue to believe that there is no “one”, that there are in fact, many and it’s just about timing and effort. Continue to be self-reflexive and challenge my own behaviour patterns and old habits in relationships. Continue to date. Continue to be open-minded without compromising my beliefs or values. Continue to give people a fair chance. Go back to taking ownership of my lifestyle choices. Make decisions that are in line with what I really want. Continue to believe that I am capable of showing up and loving. See the beauty in all the people who walk my way.
It’s going to be a good year 2014.