On Companionship.

For the past year or so, I have kind of been coming to terms with the fact that I am interested in something more serious and long-term when it comes to the world of relationships and romance. I’ve also been telling my friends: “I am ready for love!”, fully aware of the cheesy-ness that accompanies such a statement. But in my defence, as someone who has been decidedly and comfortably (more or less) “single” for the last six years, I think it’s kind of a big deal to be open to the following: making room for someone else in my life; concepts of exclusivity and monogamy; being vulnerable and being okay with it. (If this is starting to sound like an episode from the Bachelor, particularly Brad’s second season, I apologize).

This is all new for the thirty year old me. My twenties-self has been pretty self-focused, prioritizing school, career, social life, artistic and cultural pursuits over commitment, compromise, and opportunities to love and be loved. So times are changing, but I’m not really sure where or how to begin.

Do I tell everyone that I’m looking for love? You know, like the secret. You put it out there and it comes back to you.

Do I redo my online profile so that it reads that I’m looking for something serious and long-term? Profiles like that make me gag a bit. You know, the ones that say “I’m looking for that someone to share my life with”. Part of me is not quite ready to do that. I feel like it limits my world and the possible interactions I could have with men out there. But then I ask myself: why am I interested in interactions with men who may not be looking for something serious?

I think it’s because I’ve realized, that on the path to love I need companionship. Let me illustrate. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, at multiple times in our lives, with different waves of intensity, and often it’s not there to stay for whatever reason. I could find the type of love that would make me want to commit in six years from now. What am I going to do in the time being? Twiddle my thumbs? Um, no. I need companionship. Whether that’s someone to have sex with, someone to talk to, someone to make dinner with from time to time, or just explore the city. Friends might think that I’m back to being interested in casual dating again, but that’s not really the case. I’m being honest about what I want (Love), but also realistic about the process and being fully aware of my expectations and limitations.

So my next questions is, how many companions do I need to fit all of the above?

I’ll get back you on that one.

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One thought on “On Companionship.

  1. Pingback: On not acting out of fear. | anotherthirtysomethingblogger

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