On Text Messages.

How is it that I’m Thirty years old and I’m still:

– Asking friends what they think about me texting the guy first after our first date

– Writing 2 different drafts of the text message to my girlfriend before sending it out

– Running his response text by 4 friends

– Reacting super sensitively to things like the use of emoticons and punctuation in text messages

 

The date last week was good. Easy, comfortable, and I think there was chemistry. It wasn’t the most free-flowing conversation I’ve had on dates (I’m an excellent conversationalist and I’ve been on many dates), but we giggled, discussed our mutual love of Toronto, our neighbourhood, and talked about what we were looking for right now. He had great arms that I couldn’t stop staring at them. I learned that communicating is really important to him and he’s pretty honest in the world of dating.

We walked home. We hugged. He said It was fun. I said Yeah I would totally do it again. He said Me too. 

So I wasn’t totally sure, but I was definitely curious and open to a second date. I left like there was potential. So I decide since he asked me out, I’ll follow up this time. So I do, with a perfectly composed text message that asks him out for a walk in the park sometime. My text is positive; I mirror his earlier texts when he asked me out for drinks which included exclamation points and smiley faces. I use one exclamation point “it’s been so nice out!” and end with a smiley face.

And, while he responds straight away, his tone is serious and he uses no smiley faces this time, and while he agrees that “a walk sounds nice” and suggests “maybe Sunday if its nice out” I was a bit let down! I know I know, you probably think I’m reading waayyy too much into these things, but if a guy is happy to hear from me I would have liked to know. All I need is  minor positive reinforcement or encouragement from his end.

For example, “Good to hear from you” or “Sounds great” would have been nicer. If he didn’t feel like using exclamation points he could have used one smiley face at the end, given that that’s how he was communicating before. And, what if it’s not nice on Sunday, it would be nice if there was an alternative suggestion coming from his end, right? I mean, I’d like to know that he wants to see me you know? I hate to say it given that’s its 2012, and I hate relying on gender norms in the world of dating, but at times a girl needs to be pursued and the guy still needs to make a bigger effort.

So all this to say that I’m left with an emoticon-less, nonchalant, non-committal text and feeling a bit unsure. My instinct tells me something has changed for him and to be honest our date seems kind of surreal, like it never happened. I text him back saying Sunday is a possibility and I’m leaving it at that. It’s not worth pushing even from my end.

Next time, to avoid all this unclear messaging I should just call! Remember the telephone?? Is that super old-fashioned now?? Big points to men and women who call each other these days; that’s Adult.

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One thought on “On Text Messages.

  1. Love your blog! I hate text messages. But while I think it’s fine to make the first move by flirting or sending an initial text, once a guy knows that you are interested he needs to step up. Someone once told me that when you aren’t sure what to do, do nothing…and that’s some of the best dating advice I ever got. If I were you I would not call or text again. If you let him get in touch with you, you won’t have to wonder if he’s interested or over-analyze emoticons (been there; done that). Good luck; let me know what happens!

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