I’m learning very quickly that dating in your Thirties is a whole different ballgame. People are much more likely going to state what they’re looking for at the outset: on the first date; or on their online dating profile! And, if you don’t fall within the parameters of their criteria, you don’t really have a chance. On to the next one.
This sort of just happened to me. Remember my post about the guy from the neighbourhood? I went out on a date with him and the text message follow up wasn’t super enthusiastic on his end. And, when we did agree to meet up, he cancelled last minute. So, I called him on it. I texted him saying something like If you’re feeling unsure about this for any reason, just let me know- we can always be friendly neighbours. To which he responded saying he wanted to hang out still, but basically the fact that I didn’t want kids threw him off… Which explained why he was starting to feel unsure. (Good on me for trusting my instincts!)
This is the first time this has happened to me and to be honest, it feels a bit weird. I went on a date, the guy said he was looking for something serious, and stated that he wanted kids soon. I, on the other hand, don’t particularly want kids and told him that. I also told him that I figured that if I wanted kids I would know by the time I was Thirty right? And since I turned Thirty (2 months ago), apart from the fact that I want to hold other people’s babies much more often, nothing has changed for me in terms of my desire to parent and birth children. And guess what? That’s not good enough for him. He is looking for a partner to settle down with and have kids with, like right now. No second date unless he sees this long-term potential.
I find it awesome that he knows what he’s looking for, but at the same time, I find it a bit extreme. If you like someone, are attracted to them, know that they are also looking for something more serious and long-term, why not explore the possibility of developing something with them and approaching the kids thing when it arises? I should just speak for myself, because clearly this is my current approach to dating. How it is that I always end up with relationship-oriented guys that want to settle down, but never want to meet me where I’m at, somewhere between lovers and friends on the road to commitment. And, as I continue to date older men, I wonder if they’ll all be looking to settle down, like this guy.
Hmm, at least now I know a bit more about how people are approaching dating in their Thirties. Guess I should be screening people just as selectively as they’re screening me if I’m going to go along with this new culture of folks who are single and older. I’ll let you know as I peruse the 35+ section of OkCupid ; )